Ya Always Gotta Watch the Quiet Ones
by PaineMe
Summary: Rikku has trained Brother to answer her questions "correctly" so she could trick Paine, and for once it has worked. Paine doesn't know how she lost, but a bets a bet and she's not lair and never backs down from a challenge. Blindfolded she must define several items on touch and taste. Who will go too far with this prank? I'll give you a hint: Ya always gotta watch the quiet ones.
1. Chapter 1

**Ya Always Gotta Watch the Quiet Ones**

Rikku has trained Brother to answer her questions "correctly" so she could trick Paine, and for once it has worked. Paine doesn't know how she lost, but a bets a bet and she's not lair and never backs down from a challenge. Blindfolded she must define several items on touch and taste. Who will go too far with this prank? I'll give you a hint: Ya always gotta watch the quiet ones.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but my creative ability if you want to call it that. I make no money of this. All characters and rights go to their respective owners

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"How did I get in this position," Paine asked, blindfolded and sitting in a small bar stool, with a shot glass full of vodka to her left and four idiots to her right.

"You lost a bet. Now can you see anything," Rikku asked waving her hands in front of Paine as she bounded around, unable to contain her excitement.

"No. Can we get this over with," Paine asked slightly annoyed that she lost to Brother of all people. Then again she was almost positive he had cheated at Rikku's "trick question" game. Paine could hear Yuna giggle from across the room.

"Ok the rules are you have to eat whatever we give you. You can't sniff it but you can feel it. After you eat it, you have to tell us what it is. Understand," Rikku asked, still hopping around like a giant rabbit.

"Yes, yes, I understand. Can we hurry this up so I can figure out how I got all those questions wrong," Paine yelled crossing her arms.

"Ok, go on Paine try it," Rikku passed her the object to be guessed. Paine touched it with her tongue. _Hard, thin, a bit grainy, and salty. _She bit into the object in hand.

"Taste like a nacho," Paine said as she chewed it a bit more.

"Oh poopie, and I thought that was going to be hard," Rikku pouted and went to go sit next to Yuna.

"Me next, me next, the wiener goes next," Brother shouted practically in Paine's ear and shoving the small object in her hands.

"This better not be something gross because if it is Brother, I'm going to kill you."

"Just put it in your mouth, Paine," wined Brother.

"That's what he said," Gippal said next in line. Everyone laughed except Paine, who sat frustrated on the bar stool.

Paine began to rub the object over in her hand. _Hard but smooth with a hook at the end._ Slowly she placed the small object in her mouth with a good idea of what it could be. "Salty like a peanut," Paine stated. Her worry set aside for a moment.

"It's a cashew. Close enough try this Paine," Gippal said stepping up to her. He placed his object in her hands. She held it with one and felt out the object. _Round, smooth, and it has a stem or some thing sticking out the top._ She took a bite out of the object. "Juicy, yet crunchy but this is defiantly an apple. I'm surprised Gippal. I thought you would pick something a little more dangerous," Paine questioned Gippal as she set the apple down on the bar. She could hear someone giggling, then get up and rush for the elevator as she spoke. _Where could they be going?_

"I knew if I gave you something gross or disgusting like shoopuf poo, you'd bust me in my good eye and I'd be blind, "Gippal stated bluntly and sat down on the couch.

"Wow, you are learning something," Paine stated as she began a slow clap. Gippal thought about flicking her off but decided not to upset Paine and have his good eye forcibly removed from its socket with a spoon. "_She's threatened to do it before. Why would this be any different, among other things," _Gippal thought.

"My turn," Baralai said quietly handing her his object to be guessed. Paine didn't even bother to feel the object a just bit into it.

"It's a carrot. Are we done here," she asked ready to "figure out" how Brother had beaten her at a simple mind test.

"Paine you didn't even feel what the object was before you put it in your mouth. For all you know I could have handed you a knife or… or… some flan dung from the zoo in Bevelle," Baralai exclaimed.

"You wouldn't have done that. You know better than Gippal, Rikku and Brother combined. Besides your way to safe, the worse I think you could have done was given me a lemon," Paine said folding her arms. Baralai joined Gippal on the couch, his manhood had just been cut by two-thirds, as Yuna burst back in the room. Her face was beaming as she motioned for Rikku to stop Paine from taking off her blindfold so she could take her turn.

Rikku rushed over to Paine and pulled the blindfold down, shouting in Paine's face, "Wait I think we have one more object for you to define."

"You already had your turn Rikku," Paine said as she went to push the blindfold up.

"One more and I'll tell you where I got the test so you can figure it out," Rikku pleaded with Paine.

Paine figured that it might be far less violent if she just read the explanations in the book that Rikku got the test from, and not beat Brother for the answers he came up with. "Fine," Paine stated, arms crossed.

"Now you can't feel this one. Just eat it ok," Rikku coaxed Paine.

"Whatever just hand it over." Yuna placed the object in Paine's hands and folded her fingers over to grip it. Paine just shoved it in her mouth and bit down.

CRUNCH!

Both Paine and Yuna froze. Yuna because she wasn't expecting Paine to just shove the object in her mouth and bite down and Paine because whatever she had just bit down on had moved at the last second. Yuna began to turn red and placed her hand over her mouth to keep from laughing out loud. Paine spit the object out into her hand and ripped of the blindfold. She found a half-eaten grasshopper wrapped in a worm in her hand.

"What the hell, Rikku." Paine looked up. That wasn't Rikku in front of her about to burst into tears in front of her.

"Yuna," Paine yelled in question.

"I didn't… I didn't think that you would…. I didn't think you would just shove it in your mouth like that and bite down…" Yuna laughed in between words before bursting into laughter. Brother looked over at Paine's hand.

"Eww, a grasshopper wrapped in worm. Paine you put that in your mouth." Everyone began to laugh, except Paine. She immediately stood up, face red with embarrassment, grabbed her shot glass and three bottles from the other side of the bar and stormed her way up to the bathroom and locked herself inside. Yuna made her way up to the bathroom, still laughing. She could her Paine furiously brushing her tongue and gargling in the bathroom.

"I'm… I'm sorry Paine… I thought it…I thought it would be funny it you felt a worm and grasshopper in your hand….I didn't think you would just….shove them in your mouth like that…" Yuna was in tears at the door, laughing away and doubled over in pain beside the door.

Paine just kept brushing and gargling. She'd get them back. Maybe she would use their toothbrushes to clean the bathroom, maybe she would hijack the ship while they slept and place them on Baaj Island, maybe she find their most embarrassing secrets and posted them at the next blitzball tournament. She didn't know what she was going to do, but when she gets drunk enough to forget what had happened and they're all asleep, she'd get them. Oh man, was she going to get them.

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A/N: They always say that the quiet ones are the people you have to watch the most. They're always plotting something in their silence, and Yuna's no different. Hope you liked it. Review, and Favorite. ^_^

PS: Might be a second chapter for Paine's Revenge? "Revenge Is Sweet" maybe look for it in M or T ratings if I decide to write and upload.


	2. Chapter 2

**Revenge Is Sweet**

Summary: Sequel to "Ya Always Gotta Watch Quiet Ones." Read that first if you haven't. I imagine you have though.  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything or anyone or whatever else. Rights go to their respective owners, like Square Enix or someone.

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Paine had actually surprised herself with how much she drank this evening. Granted it did take a lot to forget what she put in her mouth, but at least she was ready to put her plan in action. Pulling out a small notebook out of her bra, Paine flipped to the page labeled "Worst Nightmares" and began to read down the list.

Rikku: Mops  
Yuna: Feet  
Baralai: Feathers  
Gippal: Chocobos  
Brother: Baldness

They should have never trusted her with their deepest darkest secrets. Now it's time for payback. Slowly Paine made her way to the ship's comsphere and contact as select group of people: Clasko, Cid, and every Blitzball team in Spira.

Then she headed to the engine room, where Gippal's duffle bag was held for the night. Filing through it, Paine pulled out a razor and some shaving cream. She never really understood why Gippal always had a razor and shaving cream with him. He's never had a beard and that stuff he has on his face barely qualifies as peach fuzz.

It didn't matter anyways; Paine had a better use for them. She snickered as she walked back to the bridge, where the boys usually slept. Gathering up a wad of shaving cream in her hand, Paine slowly approached Brother and placed her hand on his head. She rubbed the shaving cream in and carefully shaved off his mohawk. Paine set the coordinates for Clasko's Chocobo Ranch before dropping off the shaving supplies and a mohawk next to Gippal on her way back to the cabin.

That morning the Celsius would arrive at Clasko's and step two of her revenge scheme would begin. Paine laid down and snickered again. When this was all over, everyone was going to suffer. Paine couldn't help it as she smiled in her sleep.

* * *

Morning couldn't arrive quickly enough for Paine. She had gotten up first like she always did and rushed through her morning routine. The Celsius was parked at Clasko's, and Paine was just beaming with joy. Her warrior's outlook on life was failing her today as she couldn't stop smiling.

At 8:00 A.M. sharp, the alarm to wake up the boys on the bridge went off. At 8:01, Paine could hear the elevator kick into gear as Brother rode up to the cabin. At 8:02, Brother spotted the shaving cream and razor on the table next to Gippal and a wad of his purple colored hair in his hand. And at 8:05 everyone would be up to laugh at Brother as he finished yelling at Gippal. Things were going just as she planned.

Paine got up and went to the bridge. Brother was so pissed that he didn't even care that somehow they landed at Clasko's ranch. The smile still shown on Paine's face when Shinra and Buddy turned to see who was entering the cabin.

"Good morning, Paine. You look happy today," Buddy said, a little scared.

"Yeah, why are you smiling like that," Shinra asked nervously.

"Just because today's a good day. Baralai and Gippal are to be dropped off here for volunteer work. Then Yuna, Rikku and I would like to be dropped off in Luca to do some shopping," Paine said cheerfully.

"Paine," Buddy said as he approached her, "What is this about?"

"Whatever do you mean? Can't us girls go shopping?" Paine asked.

"Rikku and Yuna go shopping. You go sword hunting and training. Besides I thought Gippal was afraid of Chocobos and Baralai was afraid of birds in general," Buddy questioned.

"Baralai's afraid of feathers, specifically, and yes Gippal is afraid of chocobos. This is payback and unless you want to be next, I suggest you keep your mouth shut," Paine hissed as she grabbed Buddy's collar.

Buddy nodded and Paine glared over to Shinra. Even though he was in a full body suit, Paine knew he heard her especially when he repeated his oh-so-famous line, "I'm just a kid." Paine need not worry about Brother because he was practically deaf in the state he was in and too dumb to put two and two together.

Paine sat on the railing as she waited for Gippal to burst in with Baralai hot on his heels. Gippal was out of breath from running down the stairs from the deck to the bridge when he could have used the elevator and made it in the same amount of time.

"What are we doing here? I thought we were going to drop me and Baralai off at Djose Temple," Gippal said quite panicked.

"Clasko needed some help on the ranch so I volunteered you and Baralai to do it," Paine said finally able to wipe that smile off her face. Gippal and Baralai stepped close to Paine as the girls entered.

"You know I'm afraid of chocobos, Paine," Gippal whispered as he placed his hands on Paine's shoulders.

"And you know I have a thing against feathers," Baralai whispered as he flexed his fingers.

"Well, then I guess you shouldn't have participated in Rikku's little game yesterday, "Paine whispered back to them as she placed her hands on her hips and glared at the both of them. Both took a step back, blank expressions appeared on their faces and then turned to sadness as Paine began to smile.

They had seen that smile once before. And the last time they saw Paine smile, a fully grown man was brought to his knees and in the fetal position for years, traumatized by what she'd done. It wouldn't have been so bad had the man not fought against his punishment.

Not wanting to end up like him, Gippal and Baralai resigned to their fates and gathered their things. Paine explained to Clasko what their jobs where and how they were to get to their intended destinations. She only asked that she get a sphere in return for finding him "willing" volunteers which Clasko gladly agreed to do.

Paine smiled and waved from the deck as the boys began to cry, hearing what they had to do at the ranch. Once out of sight, Paine returned to the bridge only to be greeted by Rikku bowling her over in a high-speed hug.

"Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! Thank You, Paine," Rikku exclaimed as she jumped up and down with excitement.

"Sure whatever. Can we hit the Blitzball Stadium first though? I wanted to check out some things, first," Paine lied.

"Sure thing," Rikku shouted as she bounced around. Yuna nodded in the back ground. Phase three would begin when they reached the stadium.

* * *

"NNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Paine you lied to me. How could you," Rikku screamed as she mopped the floors of the stadium. Paine sat in the stands and smiled as she watched her so-called friends face their punishments.

"Maybe next time you guys won't do something as stupid as you did, yesterday, "Paine stated as she filed her nails. She could her Yuna crying as she washed the feet of every Blitzball player in the league.

"But Yuna's the one who feed you the worm and grasshopper! Why am I getting punished," Rikku whined.

"Because if it wasn't for you; it probably wouldn't have happened in the first place. Keep whining and I'll have you mop the entire stadium instead of just the sphere."

"Bitch."

"I heard that!" Rikku buttoned her lips and kept mopping. It wasn't the mop itself that she hated; it was what the mop symbolized: cleaning. She hated cleaning with a passion. When "Spring Cleaning" came up on the Celsius, Rikku was either sick, "helping" someone miles away from the ship, or loafing somewhere she shouldn't be.

Paine looked over to Yuna. The girl was in tears and as Paine looked she felt such great joy that she took off her own boots as Yuna approached. Paine smile grew brighter as she pulled a small bag from her belt and pulled out a cookie.

Paine sighed with joy and said, "Revenge is so sweet," and then took a bite out of her cookie.

"Fuck you." Paine suddenly heard down the line. Clearly a woman's voice, Paine nearly choked on her cookie when it registered with her that Yuna had said it.

"Such foul language from the savior of Spira," Paine said before finishing her cookie. Paine was quite pleased with the emotions and actions she was bring up in Yuna.

"Fuck you! I fuckin' hate you so much," Yuna said as she gritted her teeth.

"Tisk, tisk, Yuna," Paine said with a chuckle, "You brought this upon yourself. Bring me a grasshopper wrapped in a worm, disgusting." Yuna just glared at Paine and Paine couldn't help but laugh. She looked at Rikku, and was met by a shocked face, which only made her laugh harder. Clearly, the young Al Bhed had never imagined her mature, calm, and refined cousin would say such things.

Paine leaned back in her chair. Today was a good day for revenge. By the time Rikku and Yuna would get done, Gippal and Baralai will be at the intended destinations and Paine will have video coverage and leverage for the next time they decide to do something stupid, like feeding her a worm and grasshopper and no one stopping her from eating it. Again, Paine sighed, quite happy with herself.

Smiling Paine stated, "Revenge is a bitch in black with cookies." Paine held one up in front of her, "Moist and delicious chocolate chip cookies," Paine said with a smile before sinking her teeth into the moist cookie and moaning in pleasure.

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A/N: Paine's revenge is sweet. =] Read, Review, and Favorite.


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